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Friday List: Foods I Won’t Touch with a Ten-Foot Pole

June 29, 2012

All right, let me start this off by saying….if I was hungry enough, I would eat any of the foods on this list.  I realize that people’s food choices are sometimes based on availability.  This is not meant to be derogatory. Besides, many of these foods are considered delicacies, haute cuisine. That’s my disclaimer!

1. Raw onions

This should come as no surprise to those of you who are regular readers of my blog.  I have never, never, never, never liked raw onions.  Ever.  Got that?  The smell (I mean, I can get past it when I am cutting them, but beyond that…no).  The taste…burning, lasting, never leaving.  The texture-that crunch.  Please make it stop.  I’ve tried.  You have to believe me.  I can do it in salsa, guacamole, etc….as long as it’s chopped up finely enough.  Beyond that no.  Emphatically, no.  I don’t even like to eat a slice of tomato or a lettuce leaf on my sandwich that has touched a raw onion.  I honestly can’t think of any other vegetables I just won’t touch, though.  Fruits, either (except maybe durian, a famously smelly Asian fruit, but then I’ve never even seen one of those in person, so I’m not too concerned…..).

2. Offal

That is, organ meats.  Brains.  Liver.  Etc.  When I was a child, my grandmother would cook chicken livers.  And I would eat them.  Then one day, I guess I learned what a “liver” was.  That put an end to my chicken liver eating.  Sorry.  They might taste wonderful, but there is just something about an internal organ that I just. Can’t. Do.  Philip likes to eat the (cooked) turkey heart at Thanksgiving.  I can’t even watch.  It makes me shiver just thinking about it…..

3. Wine

So it isn’t a food.  Close enough, though.  I’ve said this before…I realize that I totally blow my foodie street cred by proclaiming on my blog that I don’t like wine.  But I just don’t.  I’ve tried, I have.  I just can’t do it.  It’s too sour, too bitter.  Don’t try to make recommendations about what kind of wine I might like.  I won’t.  It’s unnecessary, and I am okay with my lowered foodie status.  I will, however, continue to freely open the bottle when it comes to cooking.

4. Escargots

Snails.  Escargot is French for snail.  They are served on a platter in their little shells.  I’ve heard they are delicious, more or less swimming in garlic butter, but again, no.  They’re snails.

5. Canned ham.  Or potted meat.  Or anything of that nature.

Why, why, why??????  What is so wrong with ham that you need to chop it up and put it in a little can so that it can be spread on a cracker or bread or whatever?  The color is so off-putting, even if it is pretty much the same color as ham.  It’s spreadable ham.  It’s cold.  It just grosses me out.  I used to eat Spam.  Man, I used to love Spam.  Until I realized that I didn’t know what Spam was.  Game over.  There is just something about canned meat.  Canned chopped meat.

6. Generic mayonnaise

When I was a kid, my cousins would always have JFG (my dad called it “junk food groceries”) mayonnaise at their house.  I realize that JFG is technically a brand, but to me it always seemed “generic”.  Anyway, my mom always bought Kraft.  I could always tell the difference.  JFG just tasted off.  I would much rather eat a dry sandwich.  Now, I’ll happily eat some Hellman’s (my sister won’t-it’s Kraft or nothing), and you know I like to make my own, but store-brand?  Not even willing to try.  Oh, I don’t eat Miracle Whip either.  My grandfather used to eat that mess all the time.  Thank God my grandmother liked Kraft mayo or I would have been in trouble.  I remember my aunt making me a sandwich at my grandparents’ house and putting Miracle Whip on it.  I refused to eat it.  She argued with me that it was the same as mayonnaise.  It is not.  Not at all.

7.  Canned potatoes

Have you ever tried them?  The taste is just so bad.  Philip has a great story about canned potatoes.  When he was a kid, he had a babysitter who tried to make him eat canned potatoes.  He flatly refused.  She told him he couldn’t leave the table until he ate the potatoes.  He sat at the table until his mom got there.  I married well.

8.  Bugs

This is one of those biggies that hits me when I watch Bizarre Foods.  Eating bugs is fairly common in other cultures, and I am sure that if I lived in any of those other cultures I would be fine with it.  But I don’t.  So I’m not.  Shows like Fear Factor send me into a tailspin.  Watching people stuff live praying mantises (or whatever) into their mouth really freaks me out.  For the record, I love the show Bizarre Foods but would never watch Fear Factor of my own accord.  I just don’t do reality TV.

9. Any Pepper Hotter than a Jalapeno

I’m a total pansy.  If my food’s too spicy I won’t eat it.  I just can’t.

10. Grit (not grits)

Okay, again…not a food; grit, however, is frequently in food.  I wash my leeks to excess.  I once nearly burst into tears when I bit into a California roll in a restaurant and there was grit in it.  I’ve only eaten clam chowder once, and I won’t do it again because while it tasted fine, it was gritty.  I’m too afraid of the grit.  Like sand between your teeth.  For that matter, I can’t listen to other people chew grit.  I once had a kid in my class who thought it was funny to eat the sand from the sandbox.  I nearly died.  Shopping at the farmers market has made me acutely aware of how carefully I wash my veggies.  Because they are often picked almost immediately before being sold, and because farmers don’t have time to sterilize the food, it’s dirty.  Which I appreciate, because I think we’ve come to expect too much sterility from our food system…but I don’t want to eat grit, so I have become very good friends with my salad spinner.

I guess my list isn’t as long as I thought it was.  I recently conquered one of my food fears, sardines.  Maybe one of these days I’ll overcome some more of these on the list.  Raw onions and wine probably won’t be among them, though.

What are your “under (almost) no circumstances” foods?

 

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Filed Under: Chattavore Chats Tagged With: lists, writing By Mary // Chattavore 22 Comments

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Comments

  1. Mommy Boots says

    June 29, 2012 at 8:35 am

    I didn't even know what Offal was until I read about it. My husband loves chicken livers. LOVES. I tried some. I almost vomited. I agree with you on a lot of these - minus wine, because I heart wine. I can't do cottage cheese, sliced tomato (I can handle it IN things, just not raw and all squishy and tomato-y), anything that looks at me when I eat it, anything oyster-y.. That's all I can think of for now.
    Reply
    • Chattavore says

      June 29, 2012 at 8:43 am

      Ha! I don't eat things with the eyes on either, or oysters, although I could probably eat them fried....just not raw.
      Reply
  2. Ginger Terrell says

    June 29, 2012 at 8:41 am

    Liver. Beets. Most pickled items like okra, corn, eggs, etc. Don't tell me my taste buds will change when I get older. I'm 42 and I still loathe these things.
    Reply
    • Chattavore says

      June 29, 2012 at 8:47 am

      Eh, that's how I feel about onions. Have you had roasted beets? I cannot do pickled beets (my mom loves them) and to me beets smell like dirt so that was an issue; however, I realized I'd never been exposed to them not pickled. I actually liked them. I do think that as adults we often find out that things we thought we hated weren't so bad, but sometimes you try things and you find out you really. Don't. Like them. I'm not a fan of most things in pickled form either. And I only eat okra fried, because I can't get past the slime.
      Reply
      • Chattavore says

        June 29, 2012 at 8:50 am

        And some things I'm just absolutely opposed to (for me....but if other people want to eat them, have at it....). Offal and canned meats fall into that category. I won't try them, because psychologically....I just can't.
        Reply
  3. Jenifer says

    June 29, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    I used to feel the same way about wine..... finally, after approximately 13 years of sampling wine, I finally found one that I can stomach. It's not bitter or sour... it's actually very sweet. I was so happy when I found that because now I can go to wine drinking parties, bring my own bottle of Moscato, and I finally fit in. LOL
    Reply
  4. Vanderbilt Wife says

    June 29, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Mmm, moscato. Sorry, got distracted by previous comment! I don't eat raw onions or tomatoes either. How can those things be SO good cooked down but so icky when eaten raw? I only eat bleu cheese when paired with fruit. Otherwise it tastes awful to me. I think that makes me pretty weird. My dad and sister used to eat hash made with canned potatoes ALL THE TIME when I was growing up. I can still taste those awful canned potatoes. I always wondered if it was really so much harder to slice a potato. Blech. Yugh. ICK.
    Reply
    • Chattavore says

      June 29, 2012 at 1:32 pm

      Now, I do love tomatoes...I just can't eat them when they've touched a raw onion. Blech blech blech.
      Reply
  5. bamajammer says

    June 29, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    Sushi and Thai food! I've tried, tried, tried to like both and I hate, hate hate them! My entire face grimaces when I put Sushi in my mouth, and my entire body revolts after a round with Thai food. I also don't like fruit or nuts in anything savory... i.e., peanuts in a Chinese dish or grapes in chicken salad. YUCK!
    Reply
  6. Sharon Scowcroft says

    June 29, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    I agree with you on most of these, however, I do like chicken livers but only dipped in mashed potatoes with gravy, lol. I hate most wine but sweet wines are good like succupernong and muscadine. I agree most wine tastes like total CRAP. I do like raw onions though and my Julie will actually eat them raw! Now that I will NOT do.
    Reply
    • Chattavore says

      June 29, 2012 at 9:08 pm

      That's definitely a unique and very specific food preference :)
      Reply
  7. Shanon says

    June 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    I can't do fish, or anything fishy or that came out of the water, except (don't laugh) canned tuna with mayo (deff. NOT Miracle Whip!). I have tried TONS of different fish/seafood but it's just one of those things for me. Also, green peppers. I'm the same way with green peppers that you are with onions. If it even gets near something I'm going to eat, it ruins it! I tried it again a few months ago to see if anything had changed, and I can't even control the gag reflex - it's awful!
    Reply
    • Chattavore says

      June 29, 2012 at 10:20 pm

      Oh, that is bad! My reaction to foods I hate is usually to tear up (admittedly, a strange reaction), not gag.
      Reply
  8. Beth {local milk} says

    June 29, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    I am a dyed in the wool food lover. There is nothing I won't eat. Except cilantro. Which tastes like soap to me. But that's not my fault, it's a genetic thing. That said, I pretty much stay away from all processed "food". But I don't consider that real food anyway!
    Reply
    • Chattavore says

      June 29, 2012 at 10:19 pm

      I know a lot of people who hate cilantro. I used to be one myself, actually....but it grew on me. A few of these foods fall into the "not real food" category in my opinion. The others....I guess it's all in my head!
      Reply
  9. Brooke says

    June 29, 2012 at 11:09 pm

    I know you told me not to mention a certain wine, but since you told someone else to try roasted beets (gag), I'm going to tell you. CHOCOLATE WINE. 1/2 red wine, 1/2 chocolate. I love most wines, but this one is amazing. You should try it!!! Great list! One more thing- I'm with the person that despises bell peppers. Can't touch them.
    Reply
    • Chattavore says

      June 29, 2012 at 11:13 pm

      Now, I didn't tell her to try them, I asked her if she had! Is this chocolate wine sold this way? Interesting. Are you opposed to all forms and colors of pepper? I don't care for them raw (although I can eat them) but, like onions, I do like them when they are well cooked.
      Reply
  10. Brooke says

    June 29, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    I love anything but bell peppers- red, green, yellow or orange- roasted, raw, sauteed, grilled or any other way people cook them. And yes, the chocolate wine come this way. I'll find some for you.
    Reply
  11. Timmy Millsaps says

    June 30, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Canned / Cooked spinach by itself is like instant vomit for me ...even since my mom would try to feed it to me in baby-food form. I literally cannot force my body to perform the swallow function. I do love it raw though, and it's pretty good mixed with other things ...just not by itself. That's it for me. I'm pretty much good with anything else :)
    Reply
    • Chattavore says

      June 30, 2012 at 11:10 am

      I love cooked spinach but you are definitely not alone in your disdain for it. I used to eat canned spinach all the time-my grandmother would make it for me when I didn't like whatever vegetables she was serving. WHAAAAT? I doubt I could force it down unless it was absolutely necessary these days....
      Reply
  12. dava says

    June 30, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    I can't believe no one else has said it: hot dogs. When I was younger I could eat them, but no more. Nor bologna - I've never been able to eat bologna, though, even as a kid.
    Reply
    • Chattavore says

      June 30, 2012 at 4:27 pm

      Actually, prior to 2 years ago, I wouldn't eat hot dogs. Now I'll eat them, but only Applegate or the ones Hoe Hop sells. Or from Good Dog. And they must be very well cooked.....not boiled or microwaved. Bologna-n to the O. I can't even stand the smell.
      Reply

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About Chattavore

Hi, I'm Mary! Welcome to Chattavore, a destination for people who want to feed themselves and their families well every day! Life can be crazy, which means that getting dinner on the table can be a challenge (more often than not!) and my mission is to take all your favorite recipes and figure out how to serve them on a Tuesday.

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