I don’t eat fast food very often, and when I do I’m pretty picky. I do eat at some of the following restaurants, but sometimes their menu items make me question why I continue to do so. Here are some of the most disturbing menu items I have found….
1. McDonald’s: McRib
The McRib has a cult following (I always think of the episode of The Osbournes where Jack gets so excited, saying “McRib is back!”), and I don’t understand. It’s formed meat. Formed meat. Let those words sink in. It’s FORMED to look like meat with bones in it. But there are no bones. They serve something that looks just like McRib in school cafeterias, and I always wonder if they are manufactured at the same facility. You won’t catch me eating one….
2. McDonald’s: Chicken McNuggets
Again….formed meat. And I’m not even sure what the “forms” are. They look like boots, and hourglasses, and some other weird things. The texture on the inside is barely meatlike. I used to eat these things all the time, and now I’m like, WHAT?????? I’m not sure where my head was then. (By the way, I don’t eat McDonald’s. Not at all. I have eaten there once since 2007, at an airport, for breakfast. My choices were…limited.)
3. Taco Bell: Doritos Locos Taco
It’s a Taco Bell taco on a taco shell shaped nacho Dorito. Now, given my Dorito affinity, you might think that this would be appealing to me, but it isn’t. For one thing, Taco Bell (like most fast food these days) gives me an earache (I suspect MSG or one of its, ahem, glutamic counterparts may be to blame)…but for another, there is just something unsettling to me about a taco shell coated with orange nacho-flavored powder (actually, I’m starting to have this feeling about Doritos. That’s big, my friends.). I wonder who came up with this idea.
4. Taco Bell: Volcano Taco
It’s a taco in a spicy red taco shell. A spicy RED taco shell. Since corn isn’t red, I’m going to go ahead and assume that there is artificial coloring involved here. I am not sure at what point it was decided that if a food was spicy it has to be red. Pointless. Just pointless.
5. Hardee’s: Grilled Cheese Bacon Thickburger
Now, I’m not going to lie. A lot of things about this sound good. It’s a burger. With bacon. On a grilled cheese. Three things that I love. But wait….it’s not on A grilled cheese sandwich. It’s between two grilled cheese sandwiches. I’m pretty sure Hardee’s is just trying to see how many heart-stopping items they can put on their menu. Overkill, I tell you.
6. Burger King: Memphis BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwich
It’s not that there’s anything particularly disturbing about the sandwich itself….it’s pretty much just a barbecue sandwich. But something about a barbecue sandwich from Burger King I don’t really understand. Sorry.
7. Krystal: Scrambler
There are many variations on this, and none of them sound appealing to me. Breakfast meat (sausage or bacon), scrambled eggs (I do not eat fast food eggs. In fact, I never have. Ever.), and various other items (biscuits & gravy, pancakes & syrup, grits, American cheese…). You “scramble” it all up together in the cup and eat it with a fork. It’s been around for years, but I’m just not buying it. Literally.
8. Wendy’s: Dave’s Hot & Juicy 3/4 lb. Triple
This one blew my mind. Three quarter pound patties and three slices of American cheese on a buttered bun. A buttered bun. Except I honestly wonder if it’s buttered (I don’t know if that term is “regulated”. It would not surprise me to learn that it was more like a margarined bun, but I have no proof of that…). Oh yeah, there’s some lettuce, tomato, onion, and pickle on there. Because vegetables are healthy.
9. Subway: Steak, Egg, and Cheese
Really, anyway Subway item with eggs. As I mentioned above, I don’t eat fast food eggs. Subway’s eggs are the most disturbing, though, because you can see them in the table while they’re making your sandwich. They’re discs. Discs of eggs. Philip ordered a sandwich with egg on it one time. They asked him if he wanted “white or yellow”. No thanks. I’ll pass.
10. Sonic: Cheese Tots
Okay, I’ll admit….it’s not the actual food that’s sooooo disturbing here. I mean, lots of people love Sonic’s cheese tots or their chili-cheese tots. I can’t blame them. I love a good tater tot, and I like cheese on pretty much anything. My problem with this item is the picture on the Sonic website. It’s a pile of tots with a square of American cheese (sort of) melted on top. Very squarely. Not appetizing.
I have no doubts that there are many items that I missed that are equally frightening, or perhaps more so. Do you have anything to add?